This is an article from my archives, written in early 2020, and only slightly modified. This piece was written the week the pandemic began.
As an Indian, I've been told multiple times that I don't belong in my country. Sometimes in anger, sometimes in disappointment, sometimes in disgust. And it doesn't really come as a shock to me; Ever since I was little, I haven't really connected to my country - its cultures, its languages, its way of life. There are so many factors that held me back from considering myself to be a part of India.
Growing up, this led to a lot of doubt in my sense of belonging; I didn't fit in anywhere, and as such, I didn't think I should.
So I made it my goal to come abroad to the States. I have grown up fascinated with Western culture, mainly through film and movies. I believed that life abroad would be a better one for me, at least one of more acceptance. Then finally, in the summer of 2015, I took the leap (or rather, the flight) and came to North Carolina to do a Masters. It wasn't particularly my first choice, but hey, beggars can't be choosers right? Even beggars who are supposedly handed the luxury of affording an international Masters program.
And thus, it began. I arrived, truly excited to be a part of this country. I still remember my ride from the airport, and the lush green fields that passed us by in the cab that brought us to our apartment - home for the next 2 years. When I did come to America, I recall deciding that no matter what happens, I would do my best to fit in, to belong.
Through many introspections, I realized that as a child, I never really put in the effort. I didn't try to fit in, so I didn't fit in. Circular reasoning always works. But this time would be different, I told myself. I would fit in; I would belong.
And as college began and I went for my first class, I immediately grabbed the seat next to the first white guy I saw. When it was time to pick partners for the rest of the semester, I instantly asked him and we formed a team ( which eventually became a team of two Americans, one hispanic and me).
But that was pretty much the only effort I took. I soon realized that It wasn't that easy to get out of your social circle when you're surrounded with Indians ( which most Masters college have). So almost all of my two years in college, were spent with Indians- Indian friends, Indian lifestyles in Americas, with one small difference - I made the effort to fit in.
I pushed to reinvent myself, and it worked. Through a lot of effort, and a complete sense of being comfortable in my own skin, I made some amazing friends, joined multiple social circles and left college as one of the most familiar, in my year, as well as my immediate juniors. Yes, thats' a brag, but I earned it. I was never the guy who you'd want to introduce to someone, and I eventually became the person who would bring groups and people together.
And as my time in North Carolina came to an end, I was blessed with the opportunity to travel to Boston. It was the universe giving me a chance to expand on what I had learnt. and I took it.
When I came to Boston, I again made the decision to fit in. Only this time, it would not be exclusively with Indians.
Before we go further, I should clarify something. The way I phrase it, may sound like I am disgusted with my culture, that I hate to be associated with it, that I wish I were something else. This was initially the case, I will admit. But I did realize how immature that is. How dare I be ungrateful to the country that raised me and brought me to where I am today. It's selfish. I felt this way as a teenager, but I have since grown up. From my perspective, the country had rejected me. and I acted out.
But I was also at fault, for not trying. For assuming it's easy, for thinking it's a given. Its is not. Fitting in takes work; not necessarily compromise, but work. And luckily India had taught me the most valuable lesson - how to be okay with not fitting in. Because that was my entire childhood.
So no, I do not hate India, and I do not hate Indians. I didn't travel to this country to rediscover my culture, or be sheltered by it. Granted, the first two years were all about that, but I didn't want it to be. I wanted to see more; I wanted to know more. I wanted to see how everyone else in the world lives, how they think, how they act, how they are.
That was my mission - to be the only Indian in the room. Not out of hate or disgust, but out of diversity. And I put that plan into action. I was the only Indian in my apartment with two Americans. I was the only Indian in my team in both the jobs I've had since I moved. And out of the many social groups I have in Boston, only one of them consists of Indians.
But why this is important?
Surrounding myself with people from other cultures has opened my eyes to the world. It has shown me how different the world thinks. If you're like me, an international student in the States, and your entire social circle consists of people of the same race as you, then I'm sorry, but you're wasting the beautiful opportunity that you have. From my perspective, Indians , however great they are, usually have a fixed mindset.
Indians my age are usually thinking about either the economy, marriage or who's getting laid. Thats really all there is. Either they're taking trips, or hosting potlucks or celebrating festivals. And all of that is great stuff, but again, its very sheltered. And a sheltered mind is dangerous.
You get conditioned to a certain way of thinking, and don't bother to go beyond it. Indians have such great thoughts on racism, sexism and tradition, but do you go against it ? Do you question it?
~~Have you met and spent time with a gay person? Have you spoken to a trans person about their life? Have you interacted with a person who's majored in dance or art or literature?~~
For the Indians I know, the answer is usually no. They hang out with the engineers and doctors of the world, in the tech and pharma companies and make money and travel. But they stay close, they don't venture far, without realizing how much they sacrifice.
If you think that your crowd is giving you the best view of the world, I urge you to cross examine. What you know, is what social media and news forums tell you, but what shapes you is the people you interact with who don't share your thoughts , opinions and backgrounds.
Indian culture is quite diverse, but the thought process is almost always the same, and it leads you to believe that you're not special. But it's only when you expand, that you actually understand how grateful you can be for what you've been given. How important you are in the world, where you stand, and what it's like being different.
In the two years that I've been here (Boston), I have realized how marriage is not something I need to aim for; Its a privilege, not a right and it can happen at 35 or 25, it really doesn't matter. I realized the value of my job, and how it doesn't have to be the be-all, tell-all of my life. I realized how to be comfortable with being alone and enjoying it, and not to have a bunch of friends to fall back on, but just to have friends as part of a social structure.
I discovered the joy of finding unusual and random hobbies. And I am slowly learning to be more accepting and tolerant to more sects of people, by actually meeting and understanding them. Its not all cherries and rainbows; I have also felt racism in its true form, I have felt left out because I don't get cultural references. But its worth it, because it opens you up to the possibilities beyond the bubble you're raised in. It shows you the world, not as the media portrays it, but as it is.
So I encourage you, to look at your social circles - if it's just a group of Indians doing routine tasks. I encourage you to go out there and be the only Indian in the room. In your job, in your social life, in your travels. Find hobbies that are different, find places where Indians don't go and venture into the unknown.
Being the only Indian in the room is a gift and a curse. But in a way, it shows you how to really appreciate why your culture makes you special.