The Dean Dsouza Mindset - 50 lessons I’ve learnt from my Good Ol’ Twenties

50 lessons I’ve learnt from my Good Ol’ Twenties

Adulthood

Published: 2022-08-16

"Thirty is so strange to me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult."

- C.S Lewis

As I enter the glorious years of my thirties and look back on my wonder years, I’ve realized that the last decade has been quite a whirlwind for me, a journey of so much exploration. I have

lived in 5 cities, across 3 countries
got 2 higher-education degrees
Had 5 jobs major jobs
travelled across more than 50 cities

Through it all, there’s so much monumental progress that I am grateful for. A decade ago, my younger self couldn’t even comprehend where I’d be. It was so naive to think that the opinions that you have in your 20’s define you, because I feel like a completely different person now.

My thoughts on the world, and how I see myself in it, have changed. Over the course of many small instances, and interactions with the people around me, my personality traits have gradually evolved. Now as I enter the next decade, I wanted to collect these little nuggets and present them to those who are curious. Here’s a glimpse of what my Twenties have taught me.

1. Get out of your head. Your twenties are some of your wildest experiences, and most of it is very fixable and forgettable. Spend more time out of your head, than within it.
2. Dont fear failure so much, learn to love it.
3. You don’t have to carry the burden of the world on your shoulders. Racism exists, capitalism exists, exploitation exists, and you can’t fix it. So don’t beat yourself over certain inalienable truths.
4. Question everything, with open-mindedness. Just because you don’t like the answers you find, doesn’t mean you should disregard them.
5. You don’t have to follow politics. You don’t have to read the news. You can be as involved in the world as you choose to be. Don’t let loud talkers and older generations let you think that it’s essential to your survival. If you do want to be involved, start with economics.
6. If you must consume the news, limit yourself to 2-3 trusted sources, and consume it in the evening after your work day. Social media and online forums are not considered trusted sources.
7. Understand your triggers. When you get upset, observe what caused it. Once you understand your triggers, you will be better at managing your emotions.
8. Before helping your mind, you must help your body. If your body doesn’t get what it needs, you will be in no state to help your mind.
9. Regret your actions in healthy doses. You are not always right, but you don’t need to dwell on it. Regret it a healthy amount and move on.
10. Communication is important; Comprehension is essential. If you spend hours trying to get your point across to someone who doesn’t know how to meet you in the middle, then you’re wasting your time.
11. Enjoy everything in moderation. Smoke, drink, gamble, have plenty of casual and consensual sex, but do it in moderation.
12. Society expects you to behave a certain way. If you want to bring change in society, you have to infiltrate from within. First, be what they expect of you. Then show them how to be so much more.
13. Travel as much as you can. It’s not as expensive as you think.
14. Learn to manage your money. Once you know enough, hire someone to manage it for you.
15. Produce something everyday. Either write, or journal, or cook a good meal, but try and bring something to life everyday.
16. Social media is designed to destroy you from within, and cause an addiction. There is no benefit to you being on social media, but monumental advantages to getting off it.
17. Your life starts when you choose to. Making mistakes does not mean it has ended.
18. Physical activity is non-negotiable. Start early and be consistent.
19. Learn to create a comfortable space around you. It will help you become approachable.
20. Talk to the pretty girl, with the understanding that ‘no means no’.
21. Consent is key. Never violate consent. You are only as good as your word, and a violation of consent is a violation of that word.
22. Always have a safe word.
23. Don’t expect people to understand you unless you communicate exactly what you mean.
24. You can’t help people who aren’t asking for it.
25. Not everyone will like you; most of them will forget you.
26. Don't get too held up on others peoples opinions of the world. They don’t matter nearly as much as you think they do.
27. Make friends, and don’t date. Save the dating for your late 20’s.
28. Women like men who have their own passions and interests. Men like women who occasionally appreciate them, without stroking their ego.
29. There is no such thing as a soul mate. There are however, partners, who work hard to keep their relationships stable.
30. Most of us are straight only because we’ve been conditioned to be so from birth, and live in fear of violating that condition. Sexuality is meant to be explored. Don’t rush to label it.
31. Respect women. As a man, you cannot even begin to comprehend what they experience every single day.
32. If women were given the chance, they would do everything a man could do in a more efficient way. That is why they are not given the chance. Men are terrified that if women run the world, they would see men as nothing more than procreation meat sacks.
33. Attractiveness isn’t based on gender or age. You are allowed to be attracted to the same sex. You are allowed to be attracted to people older or younger than you. You can most certainly be attracted to a persons mind, more than their body. Allow the concept of what attracts you to be fluid. The only exception is anyone underage.
34. You don’t need to listen to your elders, but you should respect them except in cases where they have verbally, physically, sexually or emotionally abused you. In that case, get yourself out of that situation, and cut them off.
35. Exes can be friends, if there is open communication and trust.
36. Listen to more BIPOC, LGBTQ+ and Women stories, more than cis-het-white male stories. They will show you a side of struggle that will awaken your grateful sense.
37. Violence will never solve anything.
38. Choose your circle well. If you are not intellectually stimulated around your friends, then find others.
39. Judge less, Listen more.
40. There is no such concept as a morally good person. People you’ve known your whole life, will commit acts that you didn’t think fathomable. I’ve known unfaithful spouses, alcoholics in denial and delusionists trapped in echo chambers. Don't belittle those who have flawed. They’re human. So are you.
41. Keep yourself well groomed. Trim your beard and cut your fingernails.
42. You are not too old for anything, and it’s never too late to start.
43. Don't compare. The race is long, but in the end, it's only with yourself.
44. Spend time alone, and learn to be with yourself. The longer you live, the more you will need to like who you are.
45. 90% of your problems can be solved by enacting the following daily: 1 hour of physical activity, sleeping and waking up at the same time, and drinking more than enough water.
46. To protect your mental state, you need three regularly functioning hobbies - One to keep you fit, one to explore your creativity and one to make you money.
47. Anything on the internet can be used against you. Consider this before sharing anything about your life.
48. Do not share any media of your children on online platforms. If you must share, blur their faces.
49. Stop completing things, and start living them.
50. Life is better when you perceive it as a series of happy moments with a few rough ones in between.